5 reasons I don’t care for hip-hop

I’ve never been a fan of hip-hop. I can appreciate that it takes talent to rap, and I can acknowledge that talent, but I can also admit that it takes talent to play the xylophone, do needlepoint, or balance a spoon on the end of their nose. That doesn’t mean I want to pay money to see someone do it.

I’m not trying to convince any of my readers not to like hip-hop. It’s a matter of taste, and if yours is different than mine, that’s no skin off my nose. Variety is the spice of life, as they say. Debating someone else’s taste is futile and not particularly respectful. So what I’m doing here is talking about my own taste, not yours.

I know I’m in the minority, too. So many people like hip-hop that it’s arguably the most popular musical form on the planet these days. I remember hoping it would be a passing fad, like disco. I’m still disappointed I was wrong.

I like most musical styles, although I’m not too keen on opera, either, and I can only take so much jazz fusion. But hip-hop is probably my least favorite, so instead of simply saying I think it (mostly) sucks, I thought I’d give you five reasons why.

1

There’s (mostly) no melody. I just got finished watching the hip-hop halftime at the Super Bowl, and without question, my favorite performance was by Mary J. Blige.

Because she actually sang a song. With a melody. (I like Snoop Dogg, too, but as an actor and a comedian.)

I’m a writer, so you might expect me to be a lyrics guy, but that’s not actually the case. I admire Bob Dylan’s songwriting, and I love the lyrics to songs like “Freewill” by Rush, but what drew me to music was the melody. I grew up on songs like Badfinger’s “No Matter What” and Three Dog Night’s “Joy to the World.” I heard those songs and I was hooked. I’ve always been a sucker for a good hook and an anthemic chorus (like “Rock and Roll All Nite” by KISS).

I don’t hate all hip-hop. But I’ve found that the cuts I do like include a chorus with a discernible melody. “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio is one example. It’s just that I feel I have to suffer through the rapping to get to the good part. Then there’s Eminem’s “Sing for the Moment,” which lifts the chorus from Aerosmith’s “Dream On.”

(It wasn’t the first time, or even the best-known, that an Aerosmith song was used as the base for a hip-hop cut: Run-DMC’s remake of “Walk This Way” actually helped put the boys from Boston back on top.)

This brings me to reason No. 2 I’m not too fond of hip-hop.

2

Sampling sucks. I remember the first time Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” came on the radio, and Ithought for sure I was going to be hearing Queen’s “Under Pressure.” I’m a longtime Queen fan, so to say I was disappointed would be to put it mildly. Then there was MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This,” which was built around Rick James’ “Super Freak.” I’ve never been a huge Rick James fan, but this just seemed like a blatant rip-off.

How about a little originality? Is that too much to ask?

The fact that neither of these artists ever had another hit that even came close to their sampled break-out tracks says a little something about how good the original songs were and how much Hammer and Ice relied on them. I have to laugh whenever I hear about George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” being a rip-off of “He’s So Fine.” That’s nothing compared to these pale imitations.

3

I miss the guitars. And keyboards. And drums.

The era when songs were actually built around instrumentation is, unfortunately, long past. It’s been replaced by programmed, synthesized (read: synthetic) minimalism.

The guitar work of masters like Brian May, Steve Howe, Jimi Hendrix, and Eddie Van Halen is nowhere to be found in hip-hop. The piano’s AWOL, too (which is a shame for someone like me who grew up on Elton John and Billy Joel). The genre still needs a rhythm section, but it takes a hell of a lot more talent to play the drums like John Bonham or Buddy Rich than it does to program a beat into a drum machine. Who cares, though, right? The beat in hip-hop is just a backdrop for the rapping.

4

It sounds too much alike. When you strip away most of the melody and the instrumentation, you don’t have much left that you can really call music.

Before anyone suggests I’m biased against Black artists, it’s worth remembering that my favorite musical style, rock ’n’ roll, is based on music created by Black artists: It was built on the talents and musical genius of people like Chuck Berry and Little Richard. The same can be said for other musical styles I enjoy, like the soul and blues.

Twelve-bar blues uses the same template but can be made to sound entirely different depending on the instrumentation, the pace, etc. The same can probably be said for hip-hop, but without the melody and instruments, it’s harder to distinguish, at least for me.

5

The name itself just sounds silly.

I remember when they called this stuff “rap.” That made a lot more sense to me, because it described what it was. But when they broadened the genre ever so slightly, someone must have decided it needed a different name, so they started calling it hip-hop.

Whenever I hear that, though, it cracks me up. I imagine a bunch of rabbits on speed bouncing around insanely in a high school gymnasium. Maybe I should like the name, because at least it makes me laugh. But if I want a good chuckle, I’d rather watch an episode of Schitt’s Creek or Seinfeld.

I’d rather do a lot of things than listen to hip-hop. That doesn’t make it bad; it just means I don’t like it.

And now, at least, you know why.

Stephen H. Provost is a former journalist and the author of 40 books on topics ranging from American culture to rock music. You can find them all on Amazon.