MAFS expert Cal Roberson washes his hands of Chris-Alyssa debacle
Stephen H. Provost
Last week, I posted a theory about why Married at First Sight created the dumpster fire pairing of Chris Collette and Alyssa Ellman.
This week, predictably (and thankfully), Chris asked for a divorce.
And one of the experts, Calvin Roberson (aka “Pastor Cal”), lost no time in deflecting blame away from the show and onto the couple — without naming names, of course.
“We always have high hopes for all of the participants chosen on Married at First Sight. But, to make marriage work, two people must be willing,” Roberson wrote. “Unfortunately, some people think they know what they want but really don’t. And then there are others who are dishonest throughout the process. We may not always be able to tell the difference between the two but in the end, the truth always prevails.”
Nowhere in his statement following Chris’ decision to divorce Alyssa does Pastor Cal take any responsibility for pairing the couple. He repeatedly faults the participants, like Pontius Pilate washing his hands of it all:
“Two people must be willing.”
“Some people think they know what they want but really don’t.”
Others are “dishonest throughout the process.”
What’s missing here is any sense of humility or accountability on Roberson’s part. Instead of merely saying, “We may not always be able to tell the difference,” he could have said:
“We, the experts, obviously missed something. We could have and should have done better.”
“I’m sorry we put them through this.”
“If we had it to do over, we would have done things differently”
But Roberson said none of these things. Instead, he wrote that Married at First Sight is “not just a show for me. It’s about helping real people with real feelings.” He may genuinely feel that way. But if so, how does he justify being involved in a show with a 24% success rate? That means it’s very likely that 76% of the “real couples” involved in the process had their “real feelings” hurt.
If the point is to improve on the traditional courtship-marriage approach, it’s not working: Half of all marriages end in divorce overall, compared to three-quarters of marriages on the show. So if it’s really about people’s feelings and “not just a show,” Roberson has all the information he needs to make an informed decision about being involved in hurting those feelings. He might object that he’s trying to make this work despite the statistics, but if so, he has a pretty high opinion of himself.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!” - Jesus of Nazareth
Any decent writer will tell you that you can’t tell a story without conflict. The same is true of a TV show: MAFS is telling a story, so it needs conflict. Without it, people won’t watch, it won’t get ratings, and it won’t stay on the air. It’s as simple as that. Despite what Roberson says, when it comes right down to it, it is first and foremost a show.
And in order for that show to continue, it must maintain its credibility, so the “experts” must protect theirs — which is exactly what Roberson is trying to do with his statement. Implying that the process didn’t work in Chris and Alyssa’s case because they didn’t know what they wanted, weren’t willing, and/or were dishonest is only half the story. The other half — the half Roberson conveniently ignores — is that the experts (if they really are experts) should have been able to see that coming.
As I wrote last week: “The experts clearly knew Chris’ level of commitment, and they should have known Alyssa was extremely picky, as well. If they did know, they should never have let her on the show, because matching someone who’s super picky with a total stranger is, well, just plain stupid. If they didn’t know, then they don’t really qualify as experts, because they should have known.”
I stand by that assessment. And now I have this to add:
If they didn’t know, they should at least have the decency and humility to admit they made a mistake.
Roberson’s statement does neither. It’s all about absolving himself and the show of blame and casting it instead at the feet of Chris and Alyssa.
Believe me, in this case, there’s more than enough blame to go around.
Stephen H. Provost is a former journalist and the author of 40 books, all available on Amazon.