What if Democrats tried to suppress the vote?

Republicans have made it part of their game plan to discourage people from voting: specifically, for their opponents. They’ve gone to court to suppress the vote. They’ve limited drop boxes in some places and set up their own “unofficial” boxes in others. They’ve encouraged their followers — or law enforcement officers — to “monitor” the polls. They’ve filed some lawsuits and threatened others.

The accepted wisdom is that Democrats want to encourage more people to vote, while Republicans want to limit turnout.

But what if Democrats tried to suppress the vote?

Here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at what that might look like. Please note: This is satire. No one should, under any circumstances, seek to impede or discourage American citizens — regardless of their political affiliation — from exercising their constitutionally protected right to vote.

That said, in an alternate universe, here are some things that might discourage Trumpists from voting:

Offer them $100 in free chips at Trump Plaza Casino.

Or a full scholarship at Trump University.

Or a diploma from the Electoral College.

Tell them voting is a form of socialism.

Or that if you vote, that makes you a democrat.

Ask them politely not to vote, but preface your question with “I want you to do me a favor though.”

Set them up for a meet-and-greet with Joseph McCarthy.

Tell them they’re really voting for Alec Baldwin.

Say, “John McCain would be ashamed of you.” On second thought, that probably wouldn’t work.

Tell them their polling place ran out of “I Voted” stickers.

Casually mention that Colin Kaepernick, Rosie O’Donnell, LeBron James, Bette Midler, Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and AOC all volunteering at their polling place.

Distract them by waving a Confederate flag.

Or by playing a Stormy Daniels video.

Or a video of Trump dancing to “Macho Man.”

Offer them a seat on the Supremacist Court.

Or a MAGA hat signed by Andrew Jackson.

Assure them that Trump doesn’t need their vote because he’s running against “the single worst candidate in the history of America.”

Tell them that their vote doesn’t matter because “there are fine people on both sides” anyway.

And that it’s OK not to vote, because Trump will pardon them.

And Jesus will forgive them because his kingdom is “not of this world.”

Tell them to “stand back and stand by.”

Offer to hold their place in line so they can come back tomorrow.

Tell them the election is rigged against Trump, so there’s no point in voting: They should boycott the election in protest.

Say, “Hi, I’m Bob Woodward.”

Or, “Hi, I’m Billy Bush.”

Say, “Didn’t you forget something?”

Let them know voting isn’t guaranteed under the Second Amendment.

Suggest they vote for a third-party candidate because their state is “reliably red.”

Tell them they’ll get Rickrolled if they vote for Trump.

Dare them to solve a Rubik’s Cube.

Or recite the full value of pi. (Be sure to explain you mean π, not pie.)

Or complete a word problem on a fourth-grade math test.

Start singing 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, and invite them to join in.

Invite them to play a drinking game: They have to take a shot every time Trump lies, and you have to take one every time he tells the truth. They’ll be too drunk to vote — or do anything else.

Accuse them of being from Kenya.

Or Canada.

Or the Romulan Star Empire. (“I saw those pointy ears!”)

Ask to see their NRA membership card.

If they produce it, ask, “How can you vote against a guy with a son named Hunter?”

Remind them that mail-in voting is evil, so they should vote on Election Day even if there’s a Category 5 hurricane in the forecast.

Suggest they vote by email instead.

Or on Twitter. (Trump loves it!)

Tell them Trump’s holding a rally, and they should go there instead.

Or that they’re missing Fox & Friends.

Assure them they don’t have to vote because “God knows your heart.”

Offer them a spot on The Apprentice.

Or season tickets to the New Jersey Generals.

Or frequent flier miles on Trump Airlines.

Or a subscription to Trump magazine.

Or a juicy Trump steak.

Suggest playing Trump: The Game instead.

Tell them, “You’re fired!”