Hey protester, no mask? Go play in the NFL without a helmet

People are stupid.

Case in point: a CNN article headlined “Face masks have become America's new fault line.”

Here’s the stupid part: Many of the people who want to go out in public are the ones refusing to wear the masks. I find this downright mystifying. There’s no argument that coronavirus is dangerous, and that you can catch it through the air. So why would people who want to go out more often be the same ones who not wearing masks?

For a long time, the CDC was, inexplicably, telling people not to wear masks — even though this was standard operating procedure during the Spanish flu of 1918, and it’s just common sense that a barrier would lower the risk of contracting it.

The CDC finally changed this “guidance” to encourage masks April 3, more than a month after the crisis came to light. Better late than never, I suppose, except for the thousands who became infected during that month. Maybe the CDC got tired of hearing people like me wonder why moms everywhere tell their kids to cover their mouths when they cough, but the CDC somehow didn’t believe a barrier would be effective.

Bizarre.

Even more bizarre, however, is the fact that those who want to loosen stay-at-home restrictions are the same ones flouting the CDC’s current, rational device by refusing to wear face masks.

Has the COVID-19 mess cost you money, maybe even your job? I get why you’re upset. Sick of staying at home all the time? Stir crazy? I get that, too.

But if you do go out, why the hell don’t you wear a mask? Refusing to wear a mask isn’t a protest. It’s just plain stupid.

And reckless. Why not go walking around naked while you’re at it. Makes just as much sense in times like these.

Imagine if the NFL decided to protest a governor’s orders not to play football games by telling its players to suit up anyway. “But, oh yeah, don’t wear a helmet. We’re going to play without ’em to protest the government trying to tell us what to do. What’s that? You’re afraid you might get a concussion? Too bad. Suck it up.”

Except there’s a difference: Concussions aren’t contagious.

Protest, but wear a mask

If I wanted to defy the government and go out on some nonessential errand, that’s precisely when I would wear a mask. The mask has nothing to do with some government edict. It has everything to do with not getting sick.

It wouldn’t be the government infecting me if I caught COVID-19. It would be the stinkin’ virus. And that virus wouldn’t give even half a damn whether I was protesting or not.

Protester: “I’ll show the government!”

Virus: “I’ll show that protester! Hehehehe!”

Some people resent being told what to do. I get that, too. But rebelling against arbitrary authority is one thing; rebelling against common sense is another. If the government is telling you to do something that actually makes sense, defiance is not only pointless, it’s (I’ll use that word again) stupid. The NFL does, in fact, insist that players wear helmets. But you don’t see players trying to take the field without them just because they don’t like being told what to do.

That’s childish. And stupid.

If you’re stupid enough to let yourself get infected while engaging in one of these protests, that’s on you. No sympathy here, dude. Problem is, you might infect someone else, and that’s not just stupid, it’s gross negligence.

In fact, people like you are part of the reason I’d be wearing a mask in public, whether or not the government required it.

If you can’t comprehend that I’d be protecting myself, just look at it as a form of protest.

A protest against your stupidity.

This guy’s not stupid. He just had his helmet knocked off. Protesters wearing masks don’t have that excuse. They’re not going to get a concussion, but are they brain damaged?

Don't wear masks to slow coronavirus? Worst. Advice. Ever.

I’ll admit, I didn’t think the coronavirus would spread as far as it has, as quickly as it has. I was wrong. But part of the reason I was wrong is that the government was catastrophically wrong in issuing perhaps the worst single piece of medical advice in modern history:

Don’t wear masks.

They didn’t just issue it. Surgeon General Jerome Adams actually screamed it in all caps on Twitter: “Seriously people- STOP BUYING MASKS!” According to Adams, masks are “NOT effective in preventing the general public from catching #Coronavirus.”

Are. You. Effing. Serious????

Take a moment to process this: Our government has been telling us for weeks that the most effective way to avoid COVID-19 is to stay at home. In other words, we need to put a barrier between ourselves and others.

That’s exactly what a mask does! Yet we’re not supposed to wear them because they’re not effective?! What the actual hell?! Are we supposed to believe the government when it’s talking out of the left side of its mouth or the right side of its mouth? Or neither, because, frankly, it’s lost a whole lot of credibility here.

Especially since data suggests masks DO work. (I used the capitals this time.)

Studies show ...

A 2004 study of SARS in Beijing found that “the use of masks was strongly protective.” How strongly? “Always wearing a mask when going out was associated with a 70% reduction in risk compared with never wearing a mask.” And wearing a mask even intermittently as associated with “a smaller yet significant reduction in risk.”

An analysis of several studies in 2011 found the same thing:

“Nine case-controlled studies suggested implementing transmission barriers, isolation and hygienic measures are effective at containing respiratory virus epidemics,” the authors concluded. And here’s the kicker: “Surgical masks or N95 respirators were the most consistent and comprehensive supportive means.” (Italics mine.)

In other words, they’re more effective than washing your hands or issuing government orders to stay home. Here’s the upshot: Because the government denied the obvious — that facemasks work — our entire society has been forced to shut itself down. Think about that for a minute. Yes, we might have been forced to take other measures as well, but if we’d started wearing masks in the first place, we might have flattened the curve, as they like to say, enough to get out ahead of this thing. We might have minimized the fallout. We might not be watching so many people die while we play catch-up.

Common sense

And yes, they were denying the obvious. The studies I quoted above were already out there, and had been for years. But when it comes right down to it, I didn’t need a study to tell me that a mask would help protect me from catching the virus.

Are masks 100% effective? Of course not. But neither are condoms, and that doesn’t mean we should all go around having unprotected sex.

Right?

Do locked doors always keep burglars out? No, but you’re not gonna leave your door wide open at night in a bad neighborhood (or even a good one) and invite one in. Are you?

Hell no.

Then there’s this: The government has been emphasizing — again, for weeks — that we should cough or sneeze into our arms. That’s just common sense and common courtesy. Mom taught me that when I was 3 years old. And the principle is obvious, even to a pre-kindergarten kid: If you put a barrier between yourself and the germs, most of those germs won’t get out there.

What’s a mask? Let’s all say it together now: “A BARRIER!”

Mommy medicine

And barriers work both ways. They keep things (in this case, germs) in, and they keep things (again, germs) out. So, of course wearing a mask makes it harder for you to catch a virus. That’s not rocket science. It’s mommy medicine.

That’s why, even as I was complaining about “social distancing” edicts, I was thumbing my nose at the government’s “guidance” by actually wearing a mask. (Oh, I’m such a bad boy.) In addition to staying home as much as possible, covering my mouth when I coughed or sneezed, and washing my hands far more often than I used to, I was, yes, wearing a mask.

Now, the government said it didn’t want us buying masks because it wanted to be sure health workers had an adequate supply … which would seem to indicate they’re effective for the health workers. Who are human. Like us. So it stands to reason they’d be effective for us, too.

So don’t tell me they’re not effective, then tell me that health workers need them because they are. I’m not that stupid.

That bit of absurdity aside, I understand the need to protect health workers, and people shouldn’t go around hoarding masks like they’re toilet paper. But even if we don’t have surgical masks, we don’t actually need them. Sure, they’re the best alternative. But covering your mouth when you cough doesn’t require a piece of medical equipment, just your hand or elbow.

Ergo, it’s possible to create a barrier even if you don’t have one of those things that tie back behind the ears. You could wear a bandanna, for God’s sake. In our case, my wife had bought a number of N95 masks for yard work before any of this went down, so we’ve been wearing those. And a couple of weeks before this got bad, I picked up a $5 fabric mask at a science fiction convention. (That’s it up there in the picture. I’m a cat person. Cute, ain’t it?)

Because I didn’t trust the government’s ridiculous, and horrible, advice.

I trusted my mom.

She’s been gone 25 years, but I’ve got a feeling that wherever she is, she still cares about my health. And the advice she gave 3-year-old me still works. As for the government? Idiotic actions speak far louder that all-caps messages on Twitter.

Case closed.

P.S.: Spread this. Make it go viral. Maybe we the people can succeed where the government has failed us and actually put a stop to this thing.