Trump lampooned in dark comedy about fictional autocrat

“I don’t agree with anything Mr. Tripp says in the book. In every case, my views are the polar opposite. ”

— The Ghostwriter

The following is an interview with the author of “If I Told the Truth: How I Went From Idiot to President Without Changing a Thing,” a newly released biography of a fictional character who bears more than a passing resemblance to Donald Trump.

Why did you write this book?

Because it was there. At least, I thought it was.

What was there?

The money. He promised to pay me if I wrote it.

But I thought he was a fictional character?

He is. That’s probably why he never did pay me. But he’s also a cheapskate, so there’s that. I sent him a nasty note about it, but then he threatened to turn me in for being an illegal immigrant.

Are you an illegal immigrant?

No. But I decided that since he was a fictional character, I was never going to get my money anyway, so what’s the point?

Is this why you’re speaking out now?

It’s one reason.

But why help him promote his book, if you aren’t getting paid?

Because I think it makes him look bad. He doesn’t see it, because he thinks he can do no wrong. He lives in a fantasy land where he thinks everybody loves him, but a lot of people think he’s just a buffoon and a con man who’s full of himself.

Is he?

Read the book and see for yourself.

If people already think he’s a buffoon, what’s the point of writing a book?

Well, a lot of people don’t see it, because he’s conned them into believing him. But this book shows how he’s conned them, and I think a lot of people — when they see that — will be really pissed off (can I use that language here?) A lot of other people have just grown numb to it all, because he’s such a dumbass so much of the time that they started thinking it was normal. That’s part of his strategy, too. But I think that, if they see it laid out all at once, they’ll realize how absurd and hurtful it really is.

There’s a promotional bit I wrote for the book that explains it. May I share it here?

Sure.

The author of this book is an enigma. Being a fictional character, John L. Tripp never existed, except in his own mind. Yet he was not content with being a fictional character, so he decided to write an autobiography. He did this because his ego was so vast and all-consuming that there was not enough room for him in the land of imagination, and he was determined to become part of our world.

We were curious, and because we were curious, we opened the book, and so released him.

He hired a ghostwriter who didn’t exist either (being a ghost), but even though he himself is fictional and his ghostwriter is dead, somehow, this book still exists. It is a testament to Mr. Tripp’s unwavering, if misguided, belief in himself that it does.

Voltaire once said that, if God did not exist, it would have been necessary to invent him. It was not necessary to invent John L. Tripp. There was no hue and cry for such a one to exist in the pages of literature, let alone in our world. We would have been content with the likes of Big Brother and Uriah Heep, with Ebenezer Scrooge and Professor Moriarty. But John L. Tripp was not content with them, nor to exist any longer in their company. So he invented himself and entreated us to free him from the constraints that bound him. This is the result.

Are we his Dr. Frankenstein, or is he ours? Ah, now, there's the rub.

You may find humor in these pages, for Mr. Tripp is a master of satire. Or you may find yourself disturbed, even nauseated, at this account of a life so shameless and coarse and cold. The things described herein could never happen in the real world, and certainly not in a civilized country like the United States of America.

Or could they?

Open the book and find out, if you dare.

John L. Tripp sounds very similar to Donald Trump. The names even rhyme.

Duh. The back cover even points this out, and the subtitle is “How I Went From Idiot to President Without Changing a Thing.” You didn’t do your homework, did you?

It sounds like you don’t Trump very much, either.

Again: duh.

There’s no need to be rude.

Sorry, Mr. Tripp rubs off on you if you work too closely with him for too long.

Why is the book titled “If I Told the Truth”?

Because this is Mr. Tripp in mostly his own words. A lot of this was just dictated into a microphone because he can’t write (he’s illiterate). But he usually lies, so it was important to point out that he wasn’t lying this time. He was telling the truth about lying, if that makes sense.

It does. Would you say your book is more humorous or painful to read?

Both, I hope. It’s like good satire, or dark humor. It makes you laugh, and it makes you think. And then it makes you think, “Oh my God, is it really that bad?” Mr. Tripp’s life would be a comedy of the absurd if the absurdity weren’t so hurtful to so many people. I feel guilty about laughing at some of the things in here, but then I remember, I’m not laughing at them but laughing at him. That’s what he hates the most, so I’m happy to do it.

He does sound a lot like Trump. What are your favorite comparisons?

Well, the obvious one is that they both became president, but Mr. Tripp became president of Kazinkistan, not the United States.

Where’s that?

It’s fictional, like Mr. Tripp. He emigrated there (which is kind of funny, since he hates immigrants) because that’s where he thought he could win the election. He wanted to go to Kazakhstan, because that’s where the character in Borat is from, and Mr. Tripp thought all Kazakhs were as stupid as Borat. He didn’t realize that Borat was also a fictional character. But Mr. Tripp got lost on his way to Kazakhstan, so he ended up in Kazinkistan instead.

Any other similarities, without giving too much away?

Here’s one that’s funny but not funny: While was president, aliens landed in Kazinkistan. Mr. Tripp tried to pretend they didn’t exist or would just go away, like Trump did with COVID-19. Then he made it so the aliens would attack the opposition party, which was made up mostly of a Kazinki ethnic minority. I won’t tell you how it all turns out. You’ll have to read the book for that.

You mentioned the book was humorous at times. What were your inspirations there?

Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Hogan’s Heroes, Saturday Night Live, Bill & Ted. The usual. But mostly it was Mr. Tripp himself.

Would you like to tell us anything about yourself?

No. I’m a ghostwriter. We don’t do that.

Nothing at all?

Well, maybe just this one thing: I don’t agree with anything Mr. Tripp says in the book. In every case, my views are the polar opposite. I’m just the messenger. I thought giving Mr. Tripp a forum would allow him to expose himself for the fraud he really is. I might be wrong, though. A lot of people actually like frauds, because they tell them what they want to hear. I hope this doesn’t make it worse.

OK, would you like to tell us how to buy the book?

You can get it as either a paperback or a Kindle e-book on Amazon. If you’re on KDP select, you can even read it for free. (Mr. Tripp didn’t like that part of it, because he hates giving anything away, but I told him it was good publicity, so he agreed to it.

Thank you for the interview.

It’s been a pleasure.