Accountability. It’s a word you hear a lot these days, often uttered alongside the catchphrase “no one is above the law.” That’s about as absurd as saying “all men are created equal” in a society that creates — and amplifies — inherent advantages based on skin color, inherited wealth, and genetic predispositions. Catchphrases have a way of sounding good on paper but being nearly worthless when the rubber meets the road.

Accountability is reserved for the poor and the powerless: Those of us who can’t afford good lawyers or aren’t politically connected. That’s the only place accountability applies. It doesn’t have anything to do with intelligence; in fact, people who can bullshit their way through life are rewarded more often than those who dare to tell the truth. Nice guys finish last, especially when they start bleeding.

Then the sharks can smell it, and they’re quick to move in for the kill.

Equality? What Equality?

Democrats have been talking about holding Donald Trump accountable for years, without anything to show for it. In fact, the worse he behaves, the more determined Republicans are to defend him. They’d probably deify him if he promoted genocide — especially if it were against Democrats.

Despite his pomposity and grandiosity, Trump’s not particularly intelligent. He used his father’s money to get ahead; his own “skills” as a businessman just left him bankrupt. Repeatedly. But he’s conned enough people into giving him more money that he was able too muck up the system with legal maneuvers. Meanwhile, he built up enough political clout to ensure that, even if he were convicted (spoiler alert: he won’t be), the outcry would be such that he wouldn’t serve a day behind bars.

I’m convinced that what Trump likes so much about Vladimir Putin is that he won’t be held accountable, either. Trump’s a narcissist, and he sees a more ruthlessly successful version of himself in old Vlad the Paler.

No one’s going to hold Putin accountable. He’s got nukes, after all. And a lot more money than Trump.

In an attempt to preserve his pride, Putin will likely turn most of Ukraine into an apocalyptic nightmare, rendering the country all but uninhabitable. Or, in a rosier but less likely scenario, he’ll find a way to “save face” by declaring on Orwellian victory despite failing to achieve his goals.

The rest of us don’t get to save face, though. Our faces end up with black eyes, swollen lips, broken jaws, and assorted bruises that leave us looking like we’ve been pounded by Mike Tyson on one side and George Foreman on the other.

Short memories

In short order, the world will forget anything ever happened in Ukraine. Sanctions will be lifted. Russian oil will start flowing again. Businesses that pulled out will quietly return, eager to expand their customer base and raise their profit margins. And nothing will have changed... except for Ukrainians. who’ll be left to bury their dead and sift through the rubble of what used to be their homeland. If they haven’t fled the carnage altogether.

Putin? He’ll still will still be preening and strutting around like some perverse mutation of Foghorn Leghorn and Muhammad Ali.

All men are created equal? What a sick joke. Tell that to the Ukrainians. Or to the people whose lives have been ruined by Donald Trump because they refused to grovel at his feet. Michael Cohen’s no saint, but he did jail time. Meanwhile, the puppet master himself got off scot-free. And not only that, he PARDONED a bunch of other crooks and sleazebags like Roger Stone and Steve Bannon — signaling that he’d do the same for anyone willing to do his dirty work.

What’s that again? No one is above the law? More like no one is above FLOUTING the law if they have enough money and power to get away with it.

Double standard

All men (or people) aren’t created equal. But go ahead and pretend that they are, so you’ll have an excuse to condemn anyone who values human life over pharmaceutical profits, or who thinks the rich should pay more in taxes so the poor can have food on the table. Or avoid freezing to death because they can’t afford the heating bill. Heavens no! That’s socialism! You’ll be enabling those no-good, lazy-ass, couch-potato welfare slobs in their roach-infested public housing.  

Never mind the corporate CEOs getting paid multimillion-dollar parachutes when they’re ousted from their cushy jobs for poor performance. Accountability? Ha! They do have the ability to hire accountants who can cook the books for them. That way, THEY can be no-good, lazy-ass couch potatoes in ritzy mansions with six bathrooms and an ocean view.

They can sponge of the rest of us because they were created MORE equal than grunts like us who actually work for a living. We’re drones. Expendables. Collateral damage.

Strike that: Collateral damage is accidental. We’re always right in the crosshairs.

Those one percenters in their country club bubbles say we’re all created equal to hide their own built-in advantages. They have enough cash to buy politicians so they won’t get taxed and pay slimy lawyers so they won’t get prosecuted for insider trading. Or polluting the environment. Or anything else. Meanwhile, the rest of us get stopped for “driving while Black” or denied medical care or “canceled” at the least provocation.

Mad world

The rich get richer, the poor get screwed, and the myth of accountability is perpetuated to keep the peons in their place.

That’s the mad, mad, mad, mad world we live in.

“We’re sorry, Ukrainians. We’re sorry, cancer patients and diabetics. It’s really too bad you’re dying because you can’t afford medical insurance or deductibles. We’ll just condemn masks and vaccinations so more people will end up in the hospital and you won’t get a bed.”

Except they aren’t sorry. They’ve got theirs, and that’s all that matters.

All that matters except taking even more of ours, that is.

Accountability?

Don’t. Make. Me. Laugh.

Stephen H. Provost is a former journalist who has written more than 40 books, including several focused on political commentary.